No more
by daniebanaanie1999
Summary: The three year dating ban has caused Nayeon and Jeongyeon to hide their relationship for the staff and the other members. Their frequent meet-ups are hot and full of lust, but Nayeon seeks more. Being with Jeongyeon is the best thing she ever did; but it kills her that they can't be together. Jeongyeon has never exclaimed that she loved her and she feels alone.


Nayeon's back hit the cold metal of the refridgerator hard. It was a bit harder than Jeongyeon usually treated her, but she couldn't help be a bit turned on by it. Because, wasn't roughness their turn on? Sure, she loved Jeongyeon's sweet side, she loved it. But seeing the younger girl's cheeky grin slide off her face and her eyes turn dark with lust was filling Nayeon with an excitement that only Jeongyeon could bring her.  
And normally she wouldn't have hesitated to pull her closer and kiss her. Usually, at this point, she was too far gone to even think of quitting. But right now, it was the only thing she wanted.  
Jeongyeon was close in less than a second; she pressed her body fully against Nayeon, so hers was pinned against Jeongyeon's and the fridge. The girls' lips meet in fury and Jeongyeon didn't waste a second. Her hands traveled all across Nayeon's body. Her eyes fluttered shut, she couldn't help it to enjoy it, to love it. Who wouldn't?

But that one thought wouldn't leave her mind, and she couldn't set herself to keep her mouth shut another night. It because more diffecult each passing day to keep her feelings to herself. Wasn't Jeongyeon supposed to be the person she could confide in, even if it was something like this? They already had so little time together, just the two of them. They tried to get the best out of it, which mostly meant heated sex in some kind of closened room. Yesterday it was the janetor's room, today it the kitchen, tomorrow the bathroom? It was exciting, to do [i]it[/i] in those kind of places. It was better than in bed anyway. But it was nothing like Nayeon imagined her first real relationship would be like. Sex was great, but it felt like it was nothing more than that.  
They didn't hold hands. They didn't kiss in public. They had the usual fan service but that was it. In fact, Jeongyeon seemed even closer to Momo than she was with her and that made her kind of jealous. Nayeon wasn't a jealous person, but knowing that Jeongyeon was holding Momo's hand — even if it was just fan service — made her jealous, and her jealousy made her sad. The only way Jeongyeon would pay attention to her was in a smelly old kitchen. Even though she was the one Jeongyeon had sex with, it didn't made her feel better.  
And she hated it.

[i]"Jeo-Jeongyeon.."[/i] Nayeon breathed, when Jeongyeon moved her mouth to her neck. Nayeon entangled her hands in Jeongyeon's short hair. She still had her eyes closed, because damn, it felt so good. It felt so good, better than anything had ever felt. It would only feel even better if she knew they wouldn't part in half an hour again and act like nothing had happened.  
She heard a low smirk. Nayeon almost her train of thought because of that.  
[i]"So needy... Are you ready already?"[/i] Jeongyeon asked, in that deep low voice of hers she always puts on whenever they were alone. It made her mad with lust. But she contained herself. She needed to.  
[i]"N-no.. I mean, yes, but, no.."[/i] Nayeon stuttered. Jeongyeon chuckled again and Nayeon hated herself for it. She shook her head and placed her hands on Jeongyeon's chest, to stop her from continueing. [i]"I-I-I mean, stop. Jeongyeon, stop.. please."[/i]  
Jeongyeon's lips stopped for a moment at the place they last met her skin. Slowly, her kind-of-girlfriend looked up. Her eyes were furrowed in confusion and.. was there a bit of hurt too in those big brown eyes?  
Nayeon pressed her lips upon each other for a moment, then took a deep sigh. She rubbed with her hand in her neck, to make the tingly feelings of Jeongyeon's lips dissapear. She had already caused the damage, better go on with it now and not be distracted by the rising heat between her legs.  
[i]"What...?"[/i] Jeongyeon slowly said. She took a step backwards, away from Nayeon, and she could just feel the hurt and the tension that was starting to form between them. Nayeon wished she had never said anything. She bit her lip and looked down. Slowly she start to fix her blouse, buttoning it back to the top again, and her hair, by running her hand through it swiftly. All while Jeongyeon was still waiting for her to explain herself.  
Nayeon had prepared her speech so many times in her head, but the words were stuck in her throat now. Therefor Jeongyeon went on.  
[i]"Why? What's wrong? Did I force you?"[/i] she asked scaredly.  
You don't love me. You don't love me. No, because I do love you. Easy. If only she could explain herself. Jeongyeon was still looking at her with those deep eyes and Nayeon got more itchy and nervous with every passing second. She knew she had to say something now.  
[i]"No, it's not... it's not that. I just think that we shouldn't do this anymore,"[/i] Nayeon eventually forced out of her mouth. There, she said it. And it broke her heart. Because by ending their frequent sex-meet-ups, it also meant she'd be loosing Jeongyeon, maybe for good.  
Jeongyeon bit her lip for a moment and looked away.  
[i]"You never had much problems with it before. If you want something cozier then we can go to-" [/i]  
Nayeon looked up and shook her head again. Sure, it would be more romantic in a bed, but that's not the point she was trying to make. Why was it so diffecult to talk?  
[i]"It's not about the sex, Jeongyeon!"[/i] Nayeon blurted out. Why couldn't she just understand? [i]"Believe me that I've never had someone as good as you."[/i]  
[i]"Then what's the problem?" [/i]  
She could hear Jeongyeon was getting a tad annoyed too. Of course she was, Nayeon hadn't said anything that really made sense yet. Nayeon sighed again and ran with her hands through her hair a second time. She felt that tears were starting to well up.  
[i]"I can't do this anymore..."[/i] she started, with a quivering lower lip,[i]"-for the sake of.. of my own heart, do you understand?"[/i]  
Jeongyeon folded her arms across her chest and raised her one of her eyebrows.  
[i]"No? Nayeon, what's going on? If you're not okay with the fact that we're both girls, then-"[/i] Jeongyeon started.  
[i]"FOR FUCK'S SAKE JEONGYEON, do you really not understand?!"[/i] she suddenly lashed out, making Jeongyeon step back another few steps,[i]"I can't be with you because every time I am close to you, I can't stop thinking that you're about as close with Momo as you're with me! I can't stop thinking that I'm someone you only use for good sex and to occasionally bicker with. And I defenitely can't stop thinking that I'm just someone you could replace at any given moment. I can't do this anymore. I can't get over it and just turn off my mind because I started to enjoy this more and more until a point where it's almost unbearable to think of you being happy with someone else instead of me."[/i]  
The brunette was silent for a moment. Nayeon was panting.  
[i]"Nayeon..."[/i] Jeongyeon whispered, but Nayeon shook her head and waved her off with a quick gesture. She wasn't done yet. Tears started treatened to fall across her face. Oh so desperately did she try to hold them in, but it was all for nothing. Once they flowed, they flowed good. Even her voice started to crack, and that made it even worse. She hated crying like this. She hated crying while she had to make a point, while she was discussing about something important.  
[i]"I'm in love with you, Yoo Jeongyeon, and I can't take this anymore. It'll break my heart to distance myself from you but I really want to move on if I'm just a sex toy to you. And I can't move on if we're still doing this sort of friends-with-benefits thing. Because I keep falling deeper in love with you every time you kiss me."[/i]  
Jeongyeon was quiet and Nayeon hadn't expected anything less. She just stood there, frowning, while Nayeon was sobbing. She was sobbing and she couldn't stop anymore. She felt horrible, like her whole body was about to rip apart. Nayeon covered her face with her hands, unable to look at her.

The silence endured, and Nayeon was now one hundred percent sure that Jeongyeon didn't feel the same. She was indeed just a sex toy to her. So Nayeon started to whipe her tears and tried to control her breathing again with deep shaky breaths; she needed to get out of here. She ran with her hand through her hair, again, and points her eyes up to the ceiling.  
Just when she wanted to take her leave — because she couldn't stand this silence anymore, it was driving her mad — she felt a soft hand in her neck. Jeongyeon had gotten closer and was again now only inches apart. But it made Nayeon feel even worse. How could she get over her if she was being so clingy? How could she ever forget how Yoo Jeongyeon made her feel? She was so in love it hurted and it hurted even more to know she was nothing to Jeongyeon but a member, a close friend at most. And then she was pulling this prank? Pulling her closer? Did she like to hurt her?  
Jeongyeon's thumb whiped away several tears off Nayeon's face, but as quickly as they had dissapeared, new ones appeared. Nayeon forced herself to look at the girl. Her eyebrows were even more furrowed than before, her lips pursed together like she always does when she's thinking. Her eyes were sad.  
And while Nayeon was mesmerized by Jeongyeon's beauty once more again, she didn't pay attention when the younger girl bowed foreward and pressed a tender kiss on her lips. Nayeon wanted to pull back, but she wanted to kiss back so badly. Therefor she kept still, like a statue, not knowing what to do. She couldn't help herself to keep her eyes open.  
It was the sweetest kiss she had ever received from Jeongyeon. Usually they were filled with raw love, full of lust. They kissed like they hadn't seen each other for years and needed to regain those lost minutes. Biting down on each other's lips. Shoving their tongue in each other's mouth to feel more of their partner. It was never sweet or tender.  
But this kiss was.

After a few seconds, Jeongyeon let go again. Nayeon's lower lip quivered and she bit on it to keep it still. She looked away and whiped Jeongyeon's hand away from her neck. A look of hurt shot across Jeongyeon's face but she never noticed it.  
[i]"D-don't do that if you don't mean it. Don't kiss me like that, don't torture me please,"[/i] Nayeon forced out. She had always dreamed of Jeongyeon to kiss her like that. But not like this, not now. Didn't she understand it hurt her?  
She wanted to leave, but again she was held back by Jeongyeon's hand in her neck. At this point, Nayeon was getting a little bit annoyed. Couldn't she leave her alone by now? Wasn't she allowed to leave and cry her eyes out? She didn't want to humiliate herself anymore in front of Jeongyeon. It was embarassing enough to confess love to a person who didn't like you.  
Nayeon was taken back when she again felt Jeongyeon's lips upon hers. A little uncomfertable and confused she moved away, pushing Jeongyeon back a little bit. But she stayed close, even though she kept her lips to herself now. Their eyes met and Jeongyeon looked almost pleading.  
[i]"You told me not to kiss you if I didn't mean it,"[/i] the brunette mumbled.  
In a matter of seconds it started to make sense to Nayeon. Her lips parted to say something, but the words were trapped in her throat. She just stared at Jeongyeon with a half-open mouth and widened eyes, not exactly sure what was happening here. Did her mind deceive her?  
Jeongyeon stared back at her, with her lower lip between her teeth. Nayeon's heart was racing again. She was nervous about what was happening, because she was confused. Jeongyeon hinted that she.. that she felt the same? But that didn't make sense...  
She furrowed her eyebrows. Jeongyeon licked her lips slowly and for a moment Nayeon forgot all her thoughts. Her eyes automatically fluttered to the brunette's lips. She wanted to kiss her so badly. A silence fell again, a silence which was only penetrated by their shaky breaths.  
[i]"I like you too..."[/i] Jeongyeon eventually breathed. Nayeon's mouth fell open a bit wider. Her head was clouded, she couldn't think. But honestly, did she care at all? The only thought that was strong enough to get through the mist in her head was: I fucking need to kiss her.

She wrapped her arms around Jeongyeon's neck and took her closer before planting her lips onto the brunette's sweetly. They kissed like they had never done before; with their arms around eachother's waists and necks, their lips so softly on eachother that it felt like kissing air and their hearts melted together as one.

This was so much better than sex.


End file.
